A Christmas for us All!
by Dr.Zimmerman
Summary: It's Christmas, but not for everyone. If it weren't for the lightness grounding him, the darkness could have swallowed him whole. I do not own the characters, they belong to Atlantis/SG-1 Production.


**A Christmas for us All!**

 **Cotton candy to you – when I'm gone!**

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Even before I woke up, I knew what day it was. I could feel it in every bone of my body, the tingling sensation that I felt every year on this _special_ day. I could practically hear the laughter and talking, smell the roasted chicken and all the chocolates cookies that filled the air. I could also feel the exciting expectations for the many presents under the green, big Christmas three, that Momma and me traditionally decorated every year.

Now it was just in time for my Momma to sneak in my room, her cherry perfume filling the room, a big kiss planted on my cheek and waking me up. Like she did every year. And like every year I would act like I was to big for the childish act and resist, but we both knew I would always love it. Never grow too old for the love-affection that just belonged to a mother and her son.

 _Tick tack, Tick tack, Tick tack ti…_ time passed, seconds became minutes. Minutes became more minutes, but no one entered my room. No kiss on the cheek, no wonderful pefume filling the air and no "Happy Christmas" and most of all, **no** Momma entering my room.

It was then I decided to open my eyes to see where she could be. Perhaps she had been held up. Had to do some more decorations, cooking or preparations. But then I remembered, my heart aching when I realized, Momma was never late, it was also in that second that I realized that the dream I had never could come true. Momma, sick as she had been but also brave and strong, had fought to stay alive for as long as possible. Even though she was in great pain. In the end she had passed away just a couple days before last Christmas. Left the planet Earth to the heaven with cotton candy. She used laugh when I ask if she could eat how much she liked when she travelled there, but her answer was always _yes_ , she would even send me some when I felt alone. But she also told me that even though I couldn't see her anymore. She would always be able to hear me, whenever I felt like talking.

Like a big boy, eight years as I was, I really tried to keep the tears from springing from my eyes. Feeling great shame when they did. "A _Sheppard does not cry!"_ I could almost hear the words ringing in my ears. The words my father always shouts at me, whenever he sees me showing some kind of weakness. Momma would never scream at me for showing my feelings. But then again no one could replace my Momma. Again, like it had over the last year, my heart squeezed tight. The longing for my Momma evident in my tearful face and now red eyes after crying for a while.

"Mom…" when my voice failed, to light to be heard. I straightened up on the bed and tried again "Momma, you said that I could speak to you when… when I missed you. I miss you Momma! What did I do wrong? Why did you have to leave me with _him_! He's gone crazy! PLEASE come back, Please MOMMA or take me with you!" My tears were now uncontrollably as my voice was, high and clamorous. When I heard loud footsteps walking the stairs, hope flared for a second. Had my wish finally sprout to life? Could Santa really exist?

But it quickly subdued when an angry face of my father where shown right after he had kicked the door up in with such force that I honestly with great fright thought that the hinge on the door would break loose. But it held and as did the anger on my fathers face but escalated when he saw the state of my red and tearful face. A strong and ruthless arm grabbed my thin ones. Dragging me out off the bed, out from the room. No concern if I were hurt in the process. The last thing I saw – before I entered the basement, or the "prison" as I now knew it to be – was my younger brother, Dave's fearful and bitter face.

We both knew it. There would be no Christmas this year either.

With a startled chock I suddenly awoke, not sure if this was another nightmare. Panic begun to grab me, darkness surrounding, blinding me, drowning me, dragging me deeper... and deeper down, like it had in the past. My need for breath must have betrayed me because suddenly I felt warm and strong arms of my around my body, grounding me. Keeping my safe. Calm. Alive. Lightness easily defeated the darkness.

" _Sheppard, yo'lright?"_ a sleepy voice of my lover mumbled.

" _Mmm… just a dream. Go back to sleep."_

 _Continuing…_

 _ **I already have someone in mind for the lover, but if you want it to be someone else, just review and tell me. I'm open for female or male. Doesn't matter.**_

 _ **It's my first time writing so Pretty please review**_

/Z.


End file.
